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Take it away, Melanie: Those were the words I did not have the ability to grasp for many years.I lived more than a decade pretending that I was “normal”. I wanted to know how to avoid the mistakes I made before.

He loves that he can also be himself in my company.My vulnerability is a bit different than that of most women.I’m 32 and I’ve had rheumatoid arthritis since the age of 20.Why do you think the image of the damsel in distress is so iconic? And it’s just hard (and a little scratchy) to hug someone wearing chain mail.Vulnerability, then, is the opposite of these things. It means allowing the man to act as your protector, even though our urban centers have few mountain lions to fend off.My body is essentially waging war on itself and I tire easily.I can look at him and say “I’m getting tired.” Never does he complain that I ended his fun or keep him from anything.It means giving up the need to appear completely self-sufficient and perfect, because nobody is completely self-sufficient and perfect and it’s all a big scam anyway.We all live deeply interdependent lives in an ecosystem we sometimes forget to acknowledge.A girl with RA was able to climb 10 and 12 ft rock facings because this man was patient enough to talk me through a climb or offer a boost or some stability when I needed it. Vulnerability, knowing that you are needed, receiving gratitude for what you give to fill that need – that is the stuff that feeds love. I just leaves me breathless to live in it and see him grin ear to ear when he helps me with something as simple as tying a shoe.Thank you for encouraging the pursuit of balance and not hiding from our own flaws. I found such peace in your words and share them with many of my girl friends. Everything just passes through you when there’s nothing to hold on to.

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