Real housewives xxx

I’m really pissed off, particularly at Matty and Nicole who should have raised the alarm. Violence is rarely the answer (unless the question is “how do you define aggression”) and I consider bopping her on the nose. I have a little nap, but really just want to be anywhere but here.

But worried my fists will improve a proboscis that two bad nose jobs failed, I think better of it and throw back a very large glass of Sauvignon Blanc. I join the girls for dinner on the back of the boat.

He was first exposed to the Manhattanites, whom he appreciated for their spunk and their sass and their Sonja. When I told him I would write this story, Jason stipulated only that I not embellish his fandom.“I trust you that you will accurately represent my preference in Heathers,” he said.

But when the most recent season concluded, he moved on to Orange County and decided that he preferred them. But it is made grander when you’re able to share a bottle of Pinot Grigio with that special someone and Ramona Singer.

Matty and I are paired off in a room due to our mutual affliction of chronic snoring. I don’t mind, it’s been a long time since I have cuddled anything but my pillow to sleep. I wish I could stay here forever in this womb-like seclusion.

Besides Matty is little and won’t take up much room. Fuelled by adventure, alcohol and drugs, I figure I can make it to the boat, some 500 metres from shore. I can see the girls on the beach, I put my hands over my head to form a pyramid (which means “I am OK” as my Master Instructor SCUBA diver husband enjoyed telling me well after the fact) I shouted out, but my voice didn’t carry over the sounds of boat engines and people frolicking.

Since David has made it clear that I make no discernible contribution to the family and that my boys don’t miss me, I figure it can’t hurt to take my first girls trip away since Schoolies in 1993. It’s only after I watch the full episode that I learn that Nicole is schooling Athena in Etiquette 101 and other essential life-skills like How To Pack and How To Wash A Cashmere Jumper.

We arrive at the resort, everyone bedecked in their finery. Whilst we are waiting for Athena and Nicole to arrive, Krissy instructs us in the art of Strutting the Catwalk. I didn’t realise that; firstly, it would be so hard and secondly, that Kmart models like Krissy were required to walk the Runway.

Real housewives xxx-76Real housewives xxx-12

But perhaps the happiest of all is that it turns out Jason has a real enthusiasm for the Housewives — no matter the provenance.

Before there were housewives drinking Pinot Grigio while talking about each other, there were four single women drinking cosmos while talking about sex. For context: relative to what I watch, is an important anthropological conversation.

Our grandmothers tell us that a little bit of mystery is important in the beginning of a relationship. But I realize that not everyone is so progressive as Mindy Kaling and me. At some point in every relationship, the time comes to slap on a face mask and settle in for an evening of sweatpants and TV. The truth spilled out on a brisk evening in April when Jason’s plans with friends were cancelled last minute.

Nicole is also the last person I wanted to burden with my problems for exactly the same reason.

All of a sudden I am fending off questions relating to my sex-life and my sleeping arrangements. These women, some trying to help, some trying to harm, are all offering me unsolicited and unqualified advice. Couldn’t I have a little more than a couple of days to ponder my next step in the future of a 17 year relationship ?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One thought on “Real housewives xxx”